Buddha teaches us that when we rely on others’ approval, we give away our personal power.

Whenever we feel that need for our spouse, boss, children, or parents to validate us, we instantly hand over our power, waiting for their decision on our self-worth.

We tend to collect the negatives others throw our way as proof that we are not somehow good or worthy, and then we wait for them to change their minds.

We carry the voices and judgments of individuals from our childhood — teachers, parents, peers, siblings — and they are never far away as adults. The slightest indication that we are somehow inadequate, and we instantly resort to that powerless, less-than-competent being.
.
UNLESS we become conscious when it is happening and rewrite the script.

Internal validation can sound different:

                Wow, that went well.
                I know they are unhappy with me, and I’m okay with that.
                Yikes! That was not my finest hour.

Then ask, “so what have I learned?”

                I am competent.
                I have boundaries, and I trust my judgment.
                It is more important to be respected than liked.
                I am imperfect and still capable of moving forward.

Getting rid of those old messages takes more than determination to ignore them. It requires finding a new way to consider the original circumstances, come to new understandings, and create ways to bring fresh thinking into our everyday lives.

I know it works because I have done it.

I can help you do it, too. Schedule a complimentary discovery call, and let’s see if you, too, can validate yourself.

Mary