I am near completion of part two of my shamanic death doula training. Similar to a birthing doula who helps bring babies into this world, a death doula assists those leaving this life to find comfort and ease with their soul’s passing. 

Much of what I am learning is what I learned as a hypnotherapist and through my work as a psychic medium. Still, this program has some gems, many of which are just good advice for daily living. One such gem was the section on caregiving for the caregiver. 

It is wonderful to be of service, but like everything else in life, boundaries are essential. On more than one occasion, when I was caring for my mother, I just snapped from the stress and strain. I knew then I needed to tap out, ask for help, or say, “No, I can’t do that now.” In fact, I should have done it sooner than I did—before the snap.

Below are the questions we are encouraged to ask ourselves before attending to another’s needs. I can see them being applied in many situations, like with my mom or when confronted with one more volunteer request, so I share them here.

•    How do I feel at this moment?
•    Can I handle this emotionally? (I would add spiritually, mentally, physically.)
•    Am I doing this for the right reasons? (Do I feel called or compelled?) 
•    How will I feel after accomplishing this? (Satisfied? Drained? Used?)
•    How might this affect myself and other relationships? Will it strain or damage connections? (How do my emotions shift when considering this request?)
•    Is this way of helping and supporting in harmony with my true self and overall well-being the highest good? (Can someone else do it, or am I the only resource?)

Those last two questions are real zingers. How do I serve my highest good when I am stressed and feeling pulled in a direction that does not serve me? If I do overreach, how am I really helping anyone else? Remember, you bring your energy with you, which could add harm to the situation.

The bottom line for caregivers is to remember to be human, accept your limitations, and, believe it or not, be of even greater service to others.

Mary