Generational patterns of unexpressed emotions can be devastating. It’s hard to trust and to lean into another if your childhood has taught you that it is unwise.

Sometimes, it can be a matter of giving others some of what you craved as a child. If what you wished from your parents was more physical comfort, consider if you can hug those you love today.

Not too long ago, I had a client whose father came through apologizing for not being more emotionally available and how proud he was of his adult child for breaking that pattern. The adult child’s secret to success? Hugging.

That’s it.

They learned to acknowledge another’s needs for the same as well as to request a hug when needed. Multiple generations of living behind tough exteriors shattered with a hug.

We cannot change the past, but we have a lot of sway over the future. It’s easy to harbor negative or defensive feelings about what no one did for you. It’s brave to risk offering it to others, knowing it will heal you and prevent wounding others.

The key may be just a simple gesture that begins to lower that wall of protection.

How easy would it be to do better than what was done for you? Have you overcome similar barriers? If so, how? I would love to hear from you.

Mary