The past few months, it has been a struggle for my elderly mother to accept that she needs assisted living to stay safe. She’s not having any of it. Every day she is combative and adamant and all kinds of cranky.

It has been exhausting and sad. Being my mother’s perceived “jailer” (her word) is not the role I ever wanted to play. It has weighed heavily on my mind.

And then, the other morning, I woke with a tremendous sense of calm. I knew at that moment … the sanest thing for me to do is to drop the rope. End the tug of war.

It’s funny how hard it is for someone so ready to fight when they meet with no resistance.

In many ways, my dropping the rope honors her decision to be upset. That does not mean I’m okay with her determination to return to independent living; I’m just not going to fight about it anymore. I will still care deeply, even be a little sad, but my sanity will be intact.

What tug-of-war are you engaged in? Where are you trying to change someone’s mind or make them see reason, and they simply cannot or will not?

A tug of war is just another way to stay stuck. It is surrendering your personal power to another, trying to get them to change their mind.

It is easier to say than do, so call me and let’s begin planning your drop the rope strategy.