The first ground rule of meeting facilitation is for participants to make I statements only.

You know, in meetings, when you really want to say, “What the heck were you thinking?” but instead you count to ten and say, “I’m confused. I thought we agreed to X.”

It is so very adult to be able to do that. It’s at the highest level of emotional intelligence. Invoking the rule when things get tense is downright brilliant.

I’m so good at recommending their use and about fifty-fifty sticking to them in the moment.

Like most of life, I statements require ongoing practice, with perfection only an ideal. And they are much easier to use when consulting than when having a stake in the outcome. In the heat of the moment. In the stupidity of it all. When it would be simpler to strangle another.

Today’s political climate is one such instance where I find it hard to make I statements.

Yet, I know I must point that mental finger at myself and ask, “What am I going to do about the state of affairs?” It is a much more empowering thought than trying to get others to do what we think they should do. It is better to make a personal commitment to making things the way you feel they should be in your immediate area, in the throes of the swirling thoughts that send you reeling.

Stop. Make an I statement. Do something positive right where you are.

I am committing to my practice of I statements, promising each time to do a little better, taking smaller steps I can accomplish, and being kinder to myself and those around me.

What practices do you engage in when things get tense?

Mary