I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was funny. But I wasn’t. I was mean.

I want to take a moment to apologize to my teenage friends, Cindy, Amy, Sue, et al., for the times I was an absolute ass.

I had a wicked smart tongue.

The thing I’ve learned about being mean is that it was an extension of how I was feeling about myself. The unconscious strategy to feeling like I was better than another was to make another look smaller. 

I didn’t know how to make myself bigger.

It has been a lifelong journey to understanding my own insecurities and overcoming unrealistic expectations for myself that always left me feeling like I had failed. What I found inside of me was a mean girl who trashed talked about herself who then projected outward.

Funny, the more I learned to be kind to myself, the easier and more important it became to be kind to others.

Some nights, when sleep eludes me, I find myself sending out prayers of atonement in the hopes that they will reach the intended souls. I have long since lost contact with all of them and I am sure they do not miss me. 

Part of being a good leader is wrestling with your inner self worth, to do more than to tell yourself you’re good but to truly feel good. If you are not doing the inner work, you are likely projecting on to your team members. 

Inner work can be hard. You have to overcome a lot of situations that may not have been your fault but are still your responsibility. It is the only way forward.

You can and must learn the best ways to be kind to and responsible for your own actions so you can develop that same empathy as a manager, supervisor, leader.

The secret to outer peace is inner peace.

Need some? Let’s find it together.

Mary