We are all guilty of choosing the information that confirms our beliefs. Whether it’s current events or our past, we know we’re right and can prove it to ourselves. Internet algorithms easily and readily feed this tendency.

So how do we get past it? The answer is at once easy and hard: We ask those who believe otherwise to help us understand their perspective. Not to change it but to consider it.

I have many relatives who believe other than I do about current events, but it has become more obvious to me how they arrived where they did. Usually, it is fear-based and sometimes experiential. Often, it’s fear of not getting what they need because someone else will.

Our personal stories can also use some shaking up occasionally, especially if they are holding us back.

When I was about seven years old, we lived in a borderline neighborhood when rioting broke out throughout the city. It was dangerous, scary, and happening in front of my house. I often wondered why my parents didn’t get us the hell out of there. My next-oldest brother remembers things similarly to me, but our oldest brother had a little more distance from the situation. Many years later, when I asked my mother about it, she gave me a very rational answer that aligned with her perspective. She never tried to correct my perspective, but hearing from her and my brothers soothed a memory that needed soothing.

It turns out, I am not always on my own, and that kind of danger rarely breaks out randomly. My mother could see it coming. She could follow the news, understand what was being said on the radio, and prepare in ways I was unaware of.

My story greatly lessened its grip on me. I became safer.

What stories are you clinging to that could use a little less data and a little more conversation with others?

Mary