The Washington Post printed this article last week, and boy did it call out our society to a T.

Bottom line: we Americans put a very high value on being productive over all else.

The husband writes to “Dear Carolyn,” a syndicated advice columnist. He is upset that his wife seemingly has not kept up her end of an agreement they made at the onset of COVID to be productive during nonworking hours throughout the pandemic.

In this case, productive meant tangible, measurable results. Here is how he is keeping score:

“In six months, I read 25 biographies, developed decent conversational skills in two foreign languages, upped my running program to the point that I am marathon-ready, and started volunteering for voter registration advocacy, all while continuing to work full-time. My wife has done … not so much. She has been reading fantasy novels, occasionally watching a History Channel documentary, and has generally used the time to “unwind.’”

He encouraged his wife to see a therapist because, in their agreement to be more productive, she chose self-care.

Apparently, this approach doesn’t count.

Hats off to the wife! She continues to work at her full-time legal practice, meets her share of household chores, and then apparently relaxes.

This is a perfect example of the differences between the way most of us were raised (must have a strong work ethic, always be productive, earn your keep, etc.) and the awakening truth of the value and role of good self-care.

It’s as if productivity and self-care are oxymoronic.

Once, I took an assessment quiz that said my number one saboteur was trying to be an overachiever. “How can that be,” I said.  “I never get anything done.”

This article brought that recognition to mind. I learned then to celebrate accomplishments, set reasonable goals, and relax.

Do you feel guilty for taking care of yourself? Do others shame you for the times when you are relaxed and at ease with yourself?

Then it’s time to kick that programming and those voices out of your head.

Good leadership, relationships, and daily life can and should include good self-care.

When you say you are done with work at 5 pm and head to the gym, that’s an excellent example of boundaries. When you tell your children or spouse, I’m taking a bath so, please do not disturb me for 30 minutes that’s good role modeling.

However, to do this without guilt or shame, you must get the naysayers and judges out of your head. To do that, you must give yourself permission.

I have been helping clients offload the voices and messages that keep them stuck in feelings of fatigue and drowning in should and oughts. If you would like to know more, please schedule a time to discover if it could benefit you, too.

Mary