In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield outlines the four control dramas:

• The Intimidator
• The Interrogator
• The Aloof
• The Woe is Me

 
Whatever your control drama is, you no doubt learned it early on in life, and it’s still your first response under stress.
 
The names speak for themselves. The intimidator tries to make you go away by huffing and puffing, talking loudly, and stomping their feet. The Interrogator starts bombarding you with a million questions, often in a nasty tone. The Aloof one shuts down. And The Woe-is-Me, my first response, is to take everything personally and make the aggressor back off by making their pain about me.

 
We all use each from time to time, but there is one that is our dominant go-to. My Woe-Is-Me comes out when I feel attacked or something is failing, and I don’t know why. I might ask why someone is mean to me or explain all the factors that are out of my control and, therefore, not my fault. My husband is the Interrogator. When he feels pressured, he demands data and documented proof for the most minor statement and talks over every attempt to respond.
 
If you are in a relationship, chances are you know how the other will respond to a tense situation, and they know the same about you. That makes it super easy to push each other’s buttons and to stay in circular arguments that never get resolved.
 
If you want to change the dynamic, Mr. Redfield suggests that you change your control drama. It works!
 
Now, when my husband goes into Interrogator mode, I might become Aloof by leaving the room or simply not responding until things are more relaxed. It drives him crazy! And yet, the dynamic changes within a short period of time, and we have a more fruitful conversation.
 
That’s the short-term approach.
 
The longer-term approach comes from understanding how your control drama came into being and if it is still working for or against you. If this is a response you learned as a child, it was probably effective then. But what about now?
 
Let’s take a look together at your control drama and the scenarios most likely to trigger it. There are healthier ways to interact that will get you closer to your goals.

Mary