While reading the amazing Julia Cameron’s Write for Life, she talked about a fellow author who submitted their first novel to a publisher who responded negatively. He threw the novel in a drawer and did not take it out again for twelve long years. Finally, friends persuaded him to submit it to a second publisher, who enthusiastically proclaimed it ready for publication. But he wouldn’t do it. He knew it was trash because of what the first person said twelve years prior.

I have two questions.

First, why did he – and most of us – hang on to the criticism more faithfully than the praise?

Second, why do we need everyone to love what we do rather than accept that some will like it and some won’t?

He’s not alone in this tendency. When someone tells me they read my book, my first thought is, did they read the first printing or the second? The first one was plagued with typos and oversights. (Okay, maybe not plagued, but enough to make me blush with embarrassment.) Then, I refocus because they are telling me how meaningful it was to them. Take the praise. Leave the critic.

Years ago, a coach suggested I keep a compliments file. I have both an electronic one and a paper one. I keep thank you notes from clients and friends. I keep emails that say nice things. The more specific, the better. I even have a memo I wrote in 1985 in the early stages of my career as a part of my self-evaluation. To this day, I look on that with pride. I was honest, direct, and truthful about my accomplishments in the past year. In return, I received a letter of praise, an unprecedented ten percent raise.

Do you have a compliments file?

It’s not too late to start one. It’s even okay to include nice things you say about yourself. Give it a try. And don’t forget to consult the file whenever doubt creeps in.

Mary